


i’ll make this feel like home

by stormysirens



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I have no idea how to tag, LANCES FAMILY YALL, M/M, Mostly Fluff, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post Season 6, Pre Season 7, Song just fit the story, also i suck at summaries oops, dont think about it too much, honestly hardly any angst, idk how they get to earth they just do, ill leave a warning for it before it shows, its worth it though I promise, it’s tooth rotting fluff, not a song fic, other characters only mentioned sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-06-22 13:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormysirens/pseuds/stormysirens
Summary: “I’m going home in a few days, and I think I’ll just stay there until this whole thing is finished. You guys don’t really need me for any of it,” Lance finished, wiping away ghost tears on his flushed face.He didn’t turn to look at Keith. He didn’t falter when he heard his name fall from the other boy’s lips. He didn’t slow to a stop until he was already safely tucked inside his empty room.Lance couldn’t be here anymore.He didn’t need to be there.He needed to leave.He needed to go home.And he would.The catch was that he’d never come back.- or the one where Lance wants to stay because he thinks he’s not important and Keith shows him he’s wrong -





	1. i was stumbling, looking in the dark with an empty heart

**Author's Note:**

> Alright guys! I know it’s been a while but I’m back and ready for season 7. Season 6 really inspired me so I decided to give my take on what would happen once they reached Earth. I really wanted to put this out before August 10 because that’s when they actually show us what’s gonna go down. So from today up until the 9th I’ll be posting a new chapter (there’s only 5) and yeah I just really hope yall like it so here we go!!

Lance figured that once he was back on Earth, everything would have gone back to normal. He _needed_ everything to go back to normal.

Too much had happened in the past few days and he could barely latch onto any of it. Whenever Lance tried to call back to memories of the previous week he couldn’t even grasp the major concepts. Things like Lotor going insane, Shiro being a clone, _his own death_ \- not even those were things that he could fully comprehend. And even though he couldn’t remember the events in vivid detail, he could still _feel_ all the grief and anxiety that plagued his heart as a result of them.

It was too much. The feelings and thoughts that came with this entire war were _too much_ for him.

Lance remembered being on Earth and looking to sky because he was just so enamored with the idea of life outside of the world he knew. He wanted to drape himself in midnight skies and dance among the stars. Even if he wasn’t the top of his class, Lance still craved knowledge - he wanted to learn about inter-dimensional traveling and white holes and alien cultures. He wanted to know what was theoretical and what was real - whether there was actually something more than what they taught in school. Space was all Lance knew - for the longest time it was all that he wanted.

But everything changed when he actually got pulled into this mess. Sure, Lance wanted to play a larger role in this universe. He wanted to help in the freeing and saving of others. But he only wanted to do it if he had the promise of returning home. Being a part of Voltron didn’t promise a safe return home. Being a part of Voltron didn’t even promise keeping your life.

And normally Lance could brush aside these thoughts. He could bury all those bones in the back of his closet and pray to god that no one ever dug them out. But this week managed to unravel every ugly aspect of his current situation.

Being back on earth was supposed to mean that even _some_ of the grief that heavily weighed on his shoulders would lift. It was supposed to mean that - if even for a moment - he could finally _breathe_.

But that didn’t happen.

It was like the team could never catch a break, like there was no space in time for them to finally sit down and think. Once they landed on Earth, preparations to create a new castle were already being made. Every notification about their return had been sent a few days before they arrived. Pidge got in contact with her father and told him to alert the Garrison that they were on their way back. She also told him that they needed to prepare for the biggest project they’d ever oversee. She told him that they needed to prepare for a war.

The Garrison did not take her warning lightly. As soon as the team landed back on that desert enclosed campus, they were whisked away from their Lions and escorted to a heavily secured lab a few miles from the school. The team was briefed on the building plans and everyone was given rooms at the Garrison so that they’d be easier to contact. It had been decided that the rebuilding of the castle would start the next morning. Allura estimated that if they started then, they’d be finished within the next couple of months.

The days that followed had been hard for Lance. The living arrangements were the most difficult thing to adjust to. He’d been so used to living in close quarters with everyone that he couldn’t handle the separation. They were scattered across the dorms and were allowed to choose who they bunked with so long as it would end up benefiting the work rate on the castle.

Pidge and Hunk ended up bunking together. They both claimed that it was only logical, it gave them time to work on innovations for the castle outside of the set hours and it was easy to get ahold of each other if they needed assistance in something. Shiro and Matt decided to take a room across from theirs so that way they could make sure the two didn’t work through the night. Allura and Romelle got a room in a different hall, one that was only a few doors down from the one Coran occupied. Keith and Krolia decided on a room that was closer to an exit, she’d said that it’d be more time effective when she left in the mornings to meet with the other Garrison officers. Even Pidge’s parents got a room on campus so that Mr. Holt could help the team and Mrs. Holt could see her children.

Lance though? Lance was alone. He got stuck with a room on a completely different floor, one that was closer to the roof and further from the others. And for the first two days Lance didn’t mind being so far. He woke up and went to see if they needed any help in the building of the ship. He handled all the remedial work that no one else wanted or really needed to do. Every now and then, Allura would send him an exhausted smile or Shiro would give him a firm pat on the back and Lance could almost pretend that what he did actually mattered. But Lance knew. _He knew_.

Pidge, Hunk, and Matt put all their energy into this project. They came up with countless inventions and innovations that could be installed on the new castle. Allura, Romelle, and Coran worked hard in aiding them with their altean magic and basic guidelines for the ship. Shiro, Krolia, and Keith handled meetings that regarded the ongoing war. All of them were actually doing something that was significant to their cause. All of them were doing something that _mattered_.

That is, all of them except for Lance.

Eventually he stopped seeking them out. He stopped going to the lab to see if they needed anything from him.

He knew they wouldn’t.

Occasionally Hunk would pull him from his room so they could play a video game or Shiro would show up at his door with a plate of food if he noticed he wasn’t at dinner. Sometimes even Pidge would come to his room and just sit in the bed across from his while her fingers dashed across a keyboard. But as endearing as those acts were none of them really resonated with Lance. The only things he’d felt in the four days he’d been back on Earth was lonely and useless.

On their fifth day back Lance approached Allura and asked her if he could visit his family for a few days. She said yes of course, the work was progressing smoothly and she knew how desperately Lance wanted to see them.

Even though he knew he wasn’t a critical asset to the team he was still uneasy about leaving at the beginning of something so important. Allura assured him that everything would be fine, they’d all take a week long break so that everyone could spend some time with their families before they really got into the heat of things.

Lance expected to feel overwhelmed with joy. He expected to feel relieved tears pool at the corners of his eyes and spill out onto his tan cheeks. He expected to be flooded with emotions - to feel anything _at all_. But he didn’t.

Lance couldn’t figure out why he was so numb. He couldn’t figure out why he felt so empty.

This is what brought him out to the roof. He decided that maybe the reason he didn’t react to the news was because he hadn’t had time to react to _anything_ that’d been happening. Lance hasn’t had any time to even process some of the things he’s experienced as a result of this war.

Lance stared out into the horizon. It was odd watching the sun set on earth. After months of being enveloped by violet skies and endless stars, actually witnessing the shift in time was strange. The orange glow of the sun bled into the inky black masses of space. There was a slight buffer between the two that was a beautiful mesh of lilacs and pinks and golds. Lance stared in awe at the collision of colors. It should have been familiar. Watching the way the sun fell to the moon shouldn’t have been as spectacular as it felt, but it’d been so long since Lance had experienced this. It’d been so long since he’d been home.

His thoughts were interrupted by the click from the door behind him. Lance didn’t bother turning to see who it was. Even if he hadn’t heard them for a few weeks, those footsteps were still scarily easy to identify.

“Hey, Pidge said that if you weren’t in your room I’d probably find you up here.”

Keith.

He sat himself beside Lance, legs dangling over the edge just like his own. They were only a few feet apart and Lance was annoyingly hyper aware of this. He could hear every breath he took and every movement he made. He could smell the fresh linen and sweat that lingered in the air between them. In the corner of his eyes Lance could even see the bright splotch of red that was Keith’s jacket.

Lance tried his best to keep a poker face, but something in his expression must have given away his frustration because moments later Keith opened his mouth to speak.

“I thought I was supposed to be the broody one,” he joked, his voice light and teasing.

And normally Lance would laugh. He’d plaster a wide grin on his face and make a snarky remark about how Keith is the moody one even after all this time. But Lance couldn’t muster up the energy. He was tired of faking happiness. He was tired of pretending.

Keith sensed the tension in the air and dropped his playful tone. He nudged Lance’s side with his elbow, “Why are you out here by yourself?”

Lance kept his gaze on the horizon, he couldn’t afford to meet Keith’s eyes. He knew that as soon as he turned to take in the other boy’s expression, it’d all be over.

“I just needed some time to think,” Lance muttered.

“About what?” Keith questioned, eyes still on Lance’s profile.

Lance shrugged, letting his head duck down so that he was staring at the intertwined fingers in his lap.

“Just,” he sighed, “everything.”

It was silent for a while. For a brief moment, Lance even thought that Keith would have taken the hint and left. He didn’t.

“You know that you can talk to me about anything right?” His voice was soft when he spoke, steady and assuring, but so gentle that it almost made Lance forget why he was upset with Keith in the first place. Almost.

Lance only gave him a curt nod in response, still trying to keep his gaze away from the raven haired boy.

“Right,” Keith sighed, “well, I’m gonna go. If you need me I’ll be-”

“Wait,” Lance said, cutting him off. Maybe Lance wasn’t ready to have this conversation with Keith - or with anyone for that matter - but that didn’t mean he had to shut him out like this. He didn’t have to be an asshole.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-” Lance started, still letting all the words in his head play out on the tip of his tongue.

Just what? Lance didn’t know how to navigate their relationship anymore. He didn’t know where they stood.

When Keith left he was a stubborn, flighty, teenager who didn’t know how to take proper control of a situation without letting his emotions get in the way. Now he comes back, apparently two years older, with a sense of self assurance and stability Lance could only hope he’d ever possess.

Lance hadn’t grown in the same ways - it felt like he hadn’t grown at all. When Keith left, Lance was still trying to mask all of his insecurities with a strong personality and a few flirty jokes. Sure he’d grown out of his crush on a Allura and learned to respect her as a friend, but that was only a slight change. He still didn’t feel like he was needed on this team. He still felt like he was a lost cause.

Lance wasn’t necessarily upset with Keith. He was upset with the situation. He was glad that the other boy grew and that he learned how to navigate his feelings, but he was also frustrated because he didn’t know where he fit into his life anymore.

When Keith left, Lance knew exactly where he stood with him. He knew exactly how he felt about him. But as the days went by Lance realized that maybe what he’d initially thought about Keith was wrong. Maybe the way he valued him wasn’t strictly platonic. It couldn’t have been, not if his absence made Lance feel so _empty_.

Lance shook his head as if he were trying to shake away the thoughts.

 _Not now_.

“I’m tired and I’ve had a lot on my mind lately,” Lance finally says. It’s not a lie, but it’s easier to make an excuse than to delve into the whole truth.

“It’s fine,” Keith still seemed unsure of the entire exchange, but he finally relaxed a bit.

For the first time since he got there Lance actually turned to look at Keith. It’s not like he hadn’t seen him or taken in all the physical changes, but it was still jarring to see how much he’d matured in that time he was gone.

Keith’s hair was longer, it curled around the back of his neck and completely covered the shells of his ears. Where Keith once looked rounder and smudged, he was now sharper - more defined. His entire frame was different too. Keith came back an inch taller than Lance, with broader shoulders, and a lanky build.

Lance glanced up and after searching his face he realized that not everything about Keith had changed.

His eyes were the same.

They were still halting, still grounding, _still Keith_.

They were a color Lance couldn’t completely describe. This intoxicating shade of blue - a deep indigo that reminded him of the infinite sky. Lance hated the stars sometimes, but at least whenever he saw them in Keith’s eyes he knew that he was home.

Lance tried to hold his gaze, but as soon as he looked at the other boy he faltered. Keith’s face was so open and his eyes held such genuine concern - Lance crumbled.

“It really isn’t,” Lance blurted. He didn’t bother trying to stop whatever words would leave his mouth, there was no point. He was right - one look at Keith and the facade he’d built was gone.

“Nothing is okay, Keith. I thought that everything would have been fine once we got here, but it’s only gotten worse,” Lance was like a dam on the brink of a major breach - nothing but tension and self restraint.

“I can’t sleep anymore. I keep having these nightmares about last week. I hear Lotor’s screams and Allura’s cries and it’s so real that sometimes I wake up thinking we’re back in the rift,” Keith is wearing this pained expression that Lance doesn’t immediately place because he’s just so caught up in his words.

“I see Pidge in my dreams too. I see her in the moments before the castle almost blew up the first time. She’s in distress and she’s panicking and there’s nothing I can do to help because my body just won’t move.”

“Lance-” Keith interjects, reaching a hand out to try and comfort him. Lance doesn’t let him though. He flinches away from the touch and fights the guilt he feels when he sees hurt flash across the other boy’s face. He couldn’t be stopped now.

“I see _you_! I _hear_ you! In my dreams Shiro doesn’t make it and _all I can hear is you_. You scream and it’s agonizing and guttural and heartbreaking because for some reason I can’t help you either. I try! I try to run to you, to call for you, to do anything at all, but I can’t. My body won’t move and when I open my mouth to speak nothing comes out. Sometimes I even try to save Shiro, I try to prevent the whole thing. But just like I couldn’t do that in real life, I can’t do it in my dreams either.”

Lance was crying now. Hot tears were trailing down his cheeks and he could taste the salt on his chapped lips. Normally he’d be embarrassed about being so vulnerable around anyone, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Lance that’s not true, you had no way of knowing-” Keith interrupted, voice wary.

“And the worst nightmares?” Lance asks, not giving Keith the chance to continue. “The worst ones are the replays of my death.”

Keith looked bewildered, completely and utterly confused, “What do you-”

“An electric explosion was about to go off and Allura was stuck in the middle of it. She didn’t have any idea what was going on and I knew that she wouldn’t have moved away in time. I didn’t even think twice about it, I just sent Red flying. It was such a brief moment, but even in my dreams I can feel the white hot pain and the nothingness that followed. Allura flew to red when I didn’t respond and she used her weird altean magic to revive me. But in my dreams that didn’t happen. I died and in my dreams I stay dead.”

“ _What_?!” Lance hadn’t looked at Keith since he started crying, but something in his tone was so distraught that he couldn’t really look anywhere else.

Lance stilled when he met Keith’s gaze. The whites of his eyes had gone yellow and his once blown pupils were now narrowed into something more catlike. His eyes were animalistic - they darted across Lance’s face in a desperate manner. Keith’s eyebrows were knit together so tightly that worry lines were etched into his forehead.

“What do you mean you died? Why the _fuck_ hasn’t anyone told me about this? Why haven’t _you_ told me about this?” Keith questioned, accusingly.

Something about his tone struck a chord with Lance.

“Why haven’t you come to ask me about it?” At this Keith’s eyes shift back. He didn’t look so distressed anymore, just shocked.

Lance didn’t think much about what he said initially, but after a few seconds of heavy silence he realized that he was right. Keith hadn’t tried approaching him about _anything_ up until that moment. He didn’t avoid Lance, didn’t push him away like he used to - but he didn’t reach out to him either.

“I’ve been acting like this the entire time we’ve been here but you haven’t asked me about it at all. _No one has_ ,” Lance muttered, ashamed at himself for caring so much. Ashamed that he had to admit that no one seemed to care at all.

“I don’t even know why I’m here, Keith,” Lance continues, voice wavering. He was exhausted. He didn’t want to pretend anymore.

“I don’t contribute to this project at all. Everyone is actually doing something that _matters_...and I-I just _can’t_. I’m not insanely smart or magical or diplomatic. I’m just me. I’m just not enough,” he pushes himself off the ground, away from the edge - away from Keith. Lance can tell he wants to say something, he can see it in his eyes. But he doesn’t give him the chance. Lance doesn’t want to hear any objections or pity refusals. He just wants to go home.

“I’m going home in a few days, and I think I’ll just stay there until this whole thing is finished. You guys don’t really need me for any of it,” Lance finished, wiping away ghost tears on his flushed face.

He didn’t turn to look at Keith. He didn’t falter when he heard his name fall from the other boy’s lips. He didn’t slow to a stop until he was already safely tucked inside his empty room.

Lance couldn’t be here anymore.

He didn’t need to be there.

He needed to leave.

He needed to go home.

And he would.

The catch was that he’d never come back.


	2. when you’re lost i’ll find a way, i’ll be your light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lance pushed the button to let the door slide open he expected to be greeted by a Garrison official, an officer, one of the scientists - hell he even half expected to see Iverson. 
> 
> Lance did not expect to instead be met with galaxy eyes and inky hair. 
> 
> “Keith?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd here’s part 2! I really hope you guys like it!

Lance shot up, he threw a hand out into the dark and pathetically grasped for something - _anything_. 

 

His body was covered in a sheen of sweat and the white cotton sheets of his bedding clung to him uncomfortably. Breathing hurt, he couldn’t force his lungs to properly expand because it felt as though thorny vines were caging them in. Lance was dizzy from adrenaline and he found it hard to fall from the high of his nightmare. His chest was tight and his head spun so that he couldn’t make out whether he was actually awake or at the start of another dream. 

 

It took him a few moments to register that he was back to reality. He heaved a sigh of relief at this and took a few seconds to relish in the cool air being blown from the large vents. Goosebumps rose on his bare arms and Lance was grateful for the chill because it kept him grounded. It reminded him that it was just a dream and that he was still alive.

 

The room was silent except for Lance’s stuttering breaths and a few stray knocks on the door. He glanced over at the clock on the bedside table and frowned. 

 

4:00 a.m.

 

Lance tossed the blankets aside and hastily scrambled for the entrance. He cursed silently at his shaking hands and curled them into tight fists to steady them. 

 

He hoped that whoever was practically pounding on his door now wasn’t someone from the Garrison. The last thing the team needed was for a problem involving the castle to occur. 

 

When Lance pushed the button to let the door slide open he expected to be greeted by a Garrison official, an officer, one of the scientists - hell he even half expected to see Iverson. 

 

Lance _did not_ expect to instead be met with galaxy eyes and inky hair. 

 

“Keith?” Lance slurred, voice still heavy from sleep. 

 

Keith stood in his doorway, arms braced across his chest. He was wrapped up in a black hoodie and grey sweats - harder edges smoothed out by the loose fabric and neutral colors. His hair hung messily in his face and some pieces stood on end, a testament to being splayed across the pillow all night. At first glance Keith’s physical appearance made him seem casual and soft - a product of an abrupt early morning. But upon closer inspection, Lance could see cracks in his foundation, he could see the crumbling of a calm facade. His fingers were digging into his forearms and he constantly shifted his stance. His eyebrows were furrowed and his shoulders were tense. His gaze was steady, but focused on the ground so that Lance couldn’t make out his thoughts.

 

He finally sobered a bit at the other boy’s discomfort, “What’s wrong?”

 

“I-,” Keith paused, briefly glancing up to catch Lance’s eye, “I want to show you something.” 

 

Lance cocked his head to the side and arched an eyebrow. Keith wasn’t frantic and he wasn’t dragging Lance out of his room in urgency, so it was clear that nobody was hurt. If there was a problem with the castle, Lance knew that they would have sent someone from the school to fetch him. Keith didn’t seem to be injured or emotionally rattled either. So why on earth was this boy at his doorstep at four in the morning?

 

“Is everything okay?” Lance tried again, urging Keith for a more solid answer.  

 

He didn’t seem to budge though, and any concern Lance originally had dissipated. He couldn’t tell what the emotion faded into - annoyance? Desperation? Exasperation? He only shook his head at the other’s stubborn attitude and met his gaze with a deadpan stare, “Keith, why are you here so early? I could be sleeping right now...or, trying to at least.”

 

That was a lie and they both knew it. Once Lance was awake, it was almost impossible for him to fall back to sleep. If he did, the entire rest was fitful and more draining than it was rejuvenating. 

 

“Look I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened earlier,” Keith said, finally conceding, “and I just really want to show you something. I think it’ll help.”

 

Lance’s eyebrows furrowed and he eyed the other Paladin suspiciously. 

 

Keith’s face was open - expression bordering desperate and hopeful, “Please?” 

 

The red paladin squirmed uncomfortably at the awkward silence that fell over them, and it would have been endearing if it wasn’t literally _four in the goddamn morning_. Lance sucked in a deep breath, held it for a moment, then released it with a heavy sigh. Maybe it was the honesty of Keith’s face or the pleading in his tone, but Lance couldn’t refuse. Maybe he just wanted to drown in the attention he’d been deprived of. Maybe he just missed being included in anybody’s plans. _Maybe it was just because it was Keith._

 

Whatever it was, it pushed Lance to begrudgingly nod at him and head to the closet to grab a pair of shoes. 

 

“I’d grab a jacket too. The ride over might be cold,” Keith supplied, watching Lance slip on his sneakers.

 

“We aren’t taking the lions?” Lance questioned, then, “Wait, so it can’t be that far, right?”

 

Keith shrugged at this and a sly smile tugged at the corners of his lips, “If I told you that, it’d ruin the surprise.”

 

Lance groaned and rolled his eyes in response, but there was no real weight to the gesture. He finished knotting the laces of his sneakers and moved from his place on the floor. 

 

When they landed on Earth and the room situation had finally been sorted out, each of the paladins were given a care package and a bundle of clothing ordered prior to their arrival. Lance remembered wanting to cry when he first rummaged through the array of colors and fabrics. They were all so bright and soft and warm. He’d been so accustomed to wearing things that smelled clinical, he forgot that clothes could actually smell like softener and detergent. 

 

Going through the clothes again brought back all those feelings. It was weird to be in a place that didn’t smell like a hospital all the time. It was weird to be in a place that actually had the sound of settling buildings instead of mechanical whirs. It was weird that none of this seemed familiar anymore. 

 

Lance shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts. He didn’t feel like falling into a spiral so early in the morning. 

 

He plucked a large blue hoodie from its hanger and pulled it over his head before he turned to Keith. 

 

“Ready,” he mumbled in between yawns. 

 

Keith smiled softly and gestured for him to follow, “Let’s go, Sharpshooter.”

 

Lance warmed at the nickname and smiled in return. He forgot how much he missed having Keith around. 

 

_Maybe this won’t be that bad._

 

~

 

It was bad. It was very, very, _very_ bad.

 

Lance stared at the flaming red hover bike before him in pure horror. 

 

“I am _not_ getting on that thing,” he all but shouted, shaking his head in complete denial. 

 

Keith scoffed, “Oh come on, why not?”

 

“Oh I don’t know,” Lance argued sarcastically, fingers digging anxiously into his hips, “maybe because the last time we got on this you literally drove us off a cliff!”

 

Amusement danced across Keith’s features and a soft chuckle fell from his lips, “ _You_ can always fly it if you want.”

 

“I-” Lance paused and flushed in embarrassment, “I can’t actually. I tried learning, but I just couldn’t get it.”

 

Keith’s eyebrows shot up at this, “Wait, really? You don’t know how to ride one?”

 

“Sorry Mr. Best-Pilot-of-our-Generation, not all of us were born with such natural talent,” Lance huffed. 

 

Keith gently placed his hand on Lance’s bicep and squeezed, “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised. You’re so good at flying the Lions, I kinda just assumed you were good at flying everything.”

 

Lance didn’t know what to say to that. He’d never been good at accepting compliments anyways, but to hear praise like that from Keith? It was even more shell-shocking.

 

“I can always teach you how to fly it,” Keith offered. His hand fell from where it rested on Lance’s arm and he silently mourned the loss of contact. 

 

He quickly regathered his composure though and smiled earnestly at Keith, “I’d like that.” 

 

Keith’s face went soft and fondness edged into his gaze. Lance realized that if he accomplished nothing else in life, at least he was able to bring that look to the fiery Paladins face.

 

“If it really bothers you we could always take one of the Lions,” Keith conceded, still smiling, “but I figured it’d be nicer to take a longer drive on something that wasn’t so heavily armored.” 

 

A small laugh bubbled out of Lance and he nodded in agreement, “Yeah that probably makes more sense. Especially if it’s not that far from here.”

 

Keith beamed at him and Lance swore that if he stared at the bright expression for too long, he’d go blind. 

 

Keith climbed on the hover bike and looked back at him expectantly.  _Dios mio._

 

“Just, please don’t drive me off a cliff...again,” Lance grumbled, slowly clambering onto the bike after Keith. 

 

He wound his arms around the other boy and reveled in the warmth that spread throughout his body at the contact. He pressed his chest to Keith’s back and held himself there, trying to soak up as much heat as he could. The morning air was crisp and electrifying - deserts were always much cooler when the sun wasn’t blazing down on the sandy dunes. 

 

“Let’s go, samurai,” Lance muttered, smirking, just before the engine roared to life. 

 

“Hang on,” Keith called back. And Lance couldn’t see his face, but from the tone of his voice he could tell that Keith wore a smug grin that matched his own. 

 

~

 

 

The ride over was comfortably silent. There wasn’t really anything to say and any words that did leave their mouths would only get lost in the roaring winds that sounded as they flew. The sun still laid below the horizon, leaving the air so cool that Lance could feel all the pinpricks of autumn on his skin. The sky was lilac - this odd mesh of deep hues and pastel splotches that passed him by in a blur. All of his senses were heightened. He was completely aware of his surroundings, the noises, the atmosphere - all of it. 

 

It’d been so long since Lance had been here - _Earth_. A whole year of being stuck in space made him forget how much there was to love about his home planet. He missed the feel of the dry desert air on his skin. He missed the chirping of crickets and the hum of energy that sounded from the Garrison. He missed the smell of softener on cotton fabric. 

 

He missed all of the sensations that he was experiencing now.

 

Lance let his eyes flutter shut. He could feel himself dosing in and out of consciousness. Too much had happened in the past days. Too much had happened in his head. There wasn’t enough hours in the day or energy in his body to properly sort though it, so exhaustion was eminent. 

 

But just as Lance found himself stuck between the planes of sleep and reality, he felt the hover bike slow to smooth stop.

 

Lance didn’t know where he expected Keith to take him, but it definitely wasn’t here.

 

Keith pulled up in front of his old shack and nostalgia washed over Lance in overwhelming waves. 

 

It’d been so long since they’d been _here_. 

 

Flashbacks of the night they rescued Shiro played in his head. He could see it all - _the explosions, the lab, an operation table, Keith. Then they were searching, going out on a whim and following a few scrambled readings that lead them out to the middle of the desert. And then they were in cave, staring in awe at the ancient glowing markings that littered the walls. Finally there was Blue, sitting high and mighty behind a seemingly impenetrable particle barrier. She opened up though when Lance knocked. Even though it was just supposed to be a funny gag, she chose him._

 

She chose him and the journey began. 

 

Lance shivered, but he wasn’t cold. It was just strange to think that after all this time they’d made it full circle. It was strange to think that he made here it alive.

 

They hadn’t stepped off the bike yet, and Keith still hadn’t said a word. He looked like he was in the same state as Lance, though - slightly dazed and in awe. 

 

Lance didn’t want to break the silence, but he needed to know why he was here. 

 

“Keith,” he hesitated, still unsure of what kind of tension filled the space between them. 

 

“Mmm?” He hummed in response, thoughtfully - wistfully. 

 

“Why’d you bring me here?” Lance asked, voice still shaky. 

 

Keith finally turned to him, shifting in his seat so that Lance couldn’t grip his waist anymore. He flushed realizing that he hadn’t let go even when they stopped, but willed himself to push the embarrassment aside.

 

Keith didn’t seem to notice the blush that dusted over Lance’s cheeks, and if he did then he didn’t bother commenting on it. He just nodded his head in the direction of the door, “Let’s go inside, I’ll tell you then.”

 

They both slid off the hover bike and made their way to the old shack. Keith pushed open the door and sighed when he heard what must have been a familiar creak of the wood beneath his feet. They both stumble in - visibly nervous. Lance wasn’t sure why he was so anxious to see this place again. Maybe because he was afraid of the changes time had made. It’d only been a year, but after his week back home, Lance realized that time had a funny way of making once familiar things almost unrecognizable. 

 

Lance’s eyes glanced over the building - trying to take in its entirety. The board of maps and strings and notes was still a cluttered mess that clung pathetically to the worn walls. Lance’s fingers gently brushed over the table that sat in the center of the room and he realized that it was coated with a fine layer of dust. All of the furniture was. 

 

Nothing had really changed. Sure it all looked a little more rough - a little more faded by the sun that seeped through the makeshift curtains. Everything was exactly where they left it from when they went out searching for Blue. 

 

But everything _felt_ different. _Lance_ was different. _Keith_ was different. The war changed them both. Lance remembered how when he first set foot in this shack it felt too small. Like there wasn’t enough room for the five of them to be crowded in here, speculating over scandalous things like aliens and odd energies. It all seemed too big now. There was too much space, too much for him to lose. 

 

“I never thought I’d see this place again,” Keith says, voice just above a whisper. His voice was strained and wary and Lance had to shake himself from his thoughts so that he could focus on the boy who was only an arms length away from him. 

 

“Me either,” Lance found it hard to even manage saying that. 

 

Another silence fell over them, but it held a different energy to it. This one was full of anticipation and baited breath, a question of who would crack first. 

 

“Remember when you asked why I brought you here?” Keith was never the patient one, so of course he spoke first. His question was simple though and he was careful about how he asked it.

 

Lance nodded, turning to meet his eyes. 

 

“I’ve never really known home in the way that you do,” Keith said, a sad smile playing on his lips. 

 

“I’ve never really known family in the same way either. I only ever had fragments - bits and pieces - of a true family. There was plenty of love from my dad when he was around and I know now that Krolia left to protect us both. But for the longest time I grew up thinking that family wasn’t that important,” Keith’s head ducked at this, and he trained his gaze on the floor. His hands were shaking at his sides and Lance wanted to reach out and steady them. 

 

So he did.

 

He reached out hesitantly and carefully wrapped his own hands around Keith’s, giving him a squeeze to help urge him on. His eyes flickered from the floor, to their hands, then to Lance. For a moment, Lance thought he would pull away. He kept his grip loose enough that Keith could, but strong enough that the reassurance could get across. 

 

Keith didn’t take his hands back from Lance, he just smiled gratefully at the comfort and went on. 

 

“I tried to avoid everyone. I didn’t want to get attached because I was so used to people leaving,” Keith released a heavy sigh and met Lance’s gaze head on. 

 

“But then I met you guys.”

 

“And yeah the circumstances we met under were awful, but in a twisted way I’m glad it all happened. I finally had friends to call my own. I finally had a family. It wasn’t blood, but I think that’s what made our bond stronger.”

 

There was another pause of hesitation, but Keith quickly shook his head and continued to speak. 

 

“ _That’s_ why we’re here, Lance,” he said his name so fiercely he had to fight the tremor that threatened to course through his body in response. 

 

“I needed you to know that I’m sorry for neglecting you before. I’ve had a lot on my mind and there’s been a lot to deal with in terms of the coalition - even though Shiro is the one who handles most of it. It’s no excuse, but I just wanted you to know that I do care.”

 

“I also wanted you to know that we _do_ need you here. Don’t you realize what you bring to this team?” Keith questioned, eyes darting across his face. 

 

Lance felt vulnerable, exposed, “But I don’t, Keith. You and I both know I can’t do the things everyone else does. I don’t have anything special to-”

 

“You do though!” Keith shouted in exasperation. “ _You do_. Lance, _you are the heart of Voltron._ You are what keeps this team together.”

 

Lance sputters, searching for any sort of comment that’s appropriate for this amount of praise. 

 

“And don’t try to say that you aren’t,” Keith warned, glaring at him in a way that wasn’t really threatening, but was still serious nonetheless. 

 

“You always try your best to diffuse tense situations. When things look bleak you always offer something positive. You always make sure everyone else is aware of how gifted they are and I don’t think you realize just how much it means to any of us.”

 

“ _Keith_ ,” Lance was on the verge of tears, his eyes were already brimmed red and his voice was thick with emotion.

 

“I know you want to stay and leave this fight because you think that there’s someone better, but there isn’t. Blue chose you. Red chose you. This team will always pick you above everyone else because you are just as important as the rest of us.”

 

“Also, please don’t be so hard on yourself all the time. Nobody could have known about Shiro. Even if we did there wasn’t much we could have done until after his clone went rogue. You tried and that’s all that matters.” 

 

“Pidge is young and it’s awful that she is being pushed to that point, but she can handle herself. She knows that you care and that you’re there if she needs you.”

 

“And even though I’m glad Allura is okay, please don’t go sacrificing yourself every chance you get. You aren’t expendable and if we lost you, we’d lose a part of our team. Our family. _You’re_ our family, Lance.”

 

At this Lance burst. Months of bottled emotions were surfacing and the only coping mechanism he had was crying. 

 

He hooked his arms around Keith and pulled him in for a tight hug, intent on never letting go. Everything he said was so sincere - so genuine. Nobody had spoken to him like that in weeks. Nobody had ever seemed to care as much as Keith did. 

 

It was overwhelming.

 

But it was nice too. It was nice to finally let it out. It was nice to know he was appreciated. 

 

Keith had wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist and held him there - a constant grounding force. The pair stayed like that for a while. Lance with his tear stained face tucked into Keith’s neck, while Keith rubbed soothing circles onto the small of his back. 

 

Even though Lance wanted to draw this out for as long as he could, exhaustion was slowly seeping in. All the crying and the nightmares and the drive over had taken a real toll on him. His eyes were lidded and he could feel his knees buckling beneath him. 

 

Keith sensed the shift in weight and held him a little more tightly, “Are you tired?”

 

Lance didn’t bother with words, he only nodded in response. 

 

“C’mon,” Keith said, taking his hand and leading him across the room, “let’s sit on the couch for a little.”

 

They both fell back into the soft cushions with a thud and huffed when a cloud of dust shot up and swirled in the space surrounding them. 

 

They sat there for a moment, soaking up the peaceful silence. Lance hadn’t noticed at first, but the sun was finally peaking out over the horizon. There was hardly any light filtering into the room, but being able to even witness the beginnings of it was beautiful. 

 

Their hands were still clasped together, sitting limply on the sofa in the space between them. Lance normally would have questioned the physical affection and the kind words, but their conversation really cleared things up for him. Keith had left, but their dynamic hadn’t really changed. It was still push and pull, still full of passion - the time apart hadn’t changed that. The only thing that seemed different was that they were being more open, more genuine with each other. 

 

Before, Lance confided in him - he let some of the confident bravado fall away so that he could share his concerns with Keith. He was still careful, though, he still danced around subjects involving his insecurities and griefs. After everything that happened - after all that time - Lance recognized that he couldn’t afford to hide anymore. They were both at war, both at high risk. Lance didn’t want to pretend. And it seemed like neither did Keith. The rivalry had faded by the time Keith left, but it seemed like now any traces of it were gone. 

 

Lance initially thought that the progress they made had been lost, but he was wrong. 

 

Because now, here he was - sitting with Keith, watching the sunrise, full of comfort and the vague feeling of safety. 

 

This whole time Keith had done nothing but give kind words and gentle touches. He gave him soft looks and reassuring hand squeezes. He just gave, gave, gave. 

 

Lance figured it only fair that he gave back. 

 

“Hey, Keith?” Lance called, fighting back sleep. 

 

“Yeah?” Keith questioned, eyes still on the horizon. 

 

“Will you - do you want to come back home with me?” Lance stuttered out.

 

Keith’s gaze snapped back to Lance, his eyes were wide and his mouth was hung ajar. 

 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want-“ Lance startled, pulling his hand back. _Maybe this was a mistake._ “I just figured that since you and your mom had already spent time settling in here and Shiro is mostly the one handling the coalition, you’d want to get away for a little.”

 

“Are you-“ Keith paused to take in a deep breath, “are you sure I won’t be intruding? Your family probably wants to just see you.”

 

Lance’s eyebrows shot up at this, “Are you crazy? I’ve spent the past year in space with you. They’d definitely love meeting you.” 

 

Keith was quiet again, looking at Lance with this odd mixture of fondness and uncertainty. 

 

Lance chuckled at the pinched expression, “Keith, I promise you aren’t imposing. I know that’s what you’re stuck on. Stop worrying about that.”

 

Keith finally caved, letting any concern he had fall from his face. He smiled again, one of those soft smiles that he only ever really saved for Lance, “Okay.”

 

They were both laying down now - tucked neatly into each other’s sides. At first it was strange being so close to Keith, but Lance didn’t protest the position he was in either. He was warm and he felt safe and as crazy as it all seemed he couldn’t really picture sharing a scene like this with anyone else.

 

Just before Lance gave way to sleep though, he glanced up to catch a glimpse of the raven haired boy beside him. 

 

The light was finally flooding in through the windows and it caught on Keith’s face. All of his features were illuminated by the orange glow. The sunlight may have been dull, but it still hooked around his nose and curved around his cheeks so that it was all intensified. Keith’s eyes were closed, but he was still smiling and it was all so bright. 

 

Lance vaguely remembers this being the moment he fell in love. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so part 3 will be up tomorrow at hopefully around the same time!! I really wanna thank you for all the lovely words on the previous chapter, comments and kudos and all that good stuff really make me happy so feel free to leave those! Anyways please stay safe and most importantly happy xoxo


	3. you’ll never feel like you’re alone, i’ll make this feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a moment of internal debate, Lance carefully reached out. He bent over to grab the key he knew was hidden under the mat.   
> Lance shoved the key into the hole and turned it to unlock the entrance. 
> 
> He took a deep, stuttering breath - then pushed open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’ll put the translations at the end and everything else!! But hope you guys like this chapter :)

The next two days passed in a blur. 

 

It was all a whirlwind of small suitcases and packed clothes and debriefing on Lance’s -considerably large - family. Keith had been very adamant about learning each of their names and what they were like. He asked him about his childhood and how he grew up. He sat patiently as Lance talked him through his immediate family, and remained focused even when he branched into the mass expanse of uncles and aunts and cousins. 

 

At first, Lance had been floored Keith wanted to know any of this. The other Paladins rarely paid him any mind when he wanted to relive stories from the past. Reminiscing was not as important to them as it was to Lance. Sometimes, Hunk would carefully nod along to his wild tales or Pidge would quip in with short replies, but no one ever really paid attention to his antics. Not like Keith. 

 

Lance was used to people turning away when wistfulness and longing clouded his gaze. He was used to people dismissing his sad sighs and empty smiles. He was okay with it, actually. Because he knew that no one wanted to constantly hear his complaints about returning home. He knew that Hunk was tired of dragging him away from the observation deck and back to bed. He knew that Shiro was tired of having to snap him from his faraway dreams of crashing tides and rain slicked streets. He knew that everyone missed Earth just as much as he had.

 

He just didn’t know how to cope. He didn’t know how to pretend like the others. When Matt and Sam were still missing, Pidge’s attitude and bold confidence easily covered any underlying concern she had in their regards. She never faltered in certainty that she’d eventually reunite with them. When Shiro went missing, Keith didn’t shy away from the situation either. He was so unwavering in his belief that Shiro was still out there, waiting to be saved and reunited with the team.

 

 It was inspiring. It was uplifting. But it wasn’t Lance.

 

Lance wasn’t the same as the others. Thoughts of his family and life back home were private. They were sacred. He guarded his memories and experiences with his life because those were the only things that were guaranteed. Lance was always terrified that the work he was doing out here wasn’t enough. He was plagued by nightmares of a Galra infested planet - one that no longer held a family to return to. 

 

Lance tried not to let anyone see this. He tried covering up his concerns with a positive facade. He cracked jokes and used pathetic pick-up lines as a way disguise his true thoughts. He avoided talking about family and the past because he wanted to pretend just like everyone else. 

 

But here Keith was, stripping down all the walls he’d spent months trying to build. With each story Lance relayed, he could feel all the bricks enclosing him, crumbling away. 

 

“And oh man, was my mom pissed off. Veronica couldn’t go out for a months after that,” Lance chuckled, fondly shaking his head at the memory. 

 

Keith was sprawled across his bed, watching as Lance plucked clothes from his closet and stuffed them into his suitcase. He was already packed apparently. He showed up at Lance’s door with a black duffel slung across his shoulder and lazy smile on his lips. 

 

“I’d have been so impressed if she actually pulled it off,” Keith laughed, catching Lance’s gaze. 

 

Lance nodded, “Yeah it could have easily been the coolest stunt any of us pulled.”

 

With this, he zipped his small suitcase shut and pushed himself away from the closet. Lance walked over to where Keith was and sat himself at the edge of the bed.

 

“I can’t wait for you to meet them, they're really great. And they’ll love you,” Lance said, voice soft and fond. He had a dopey grin playing on the lips and his eyes were wide with excitement. 

 

Keith was smiling too, “From what you’ve told me I can already tell that they’re great people.” 

 

The conversation drifted from there. They talked about nonsensical things - all ranging from favorite colors to favorite cryptids. (Keith’s was Mothman apparently, and Lance figured that this somehow made sense.) It was all so easy. Falling back into ridiculous conversations and playful banter was exactly what Lance missed. It was exactly what he needed. 

 

Keith lingered at the door that night. He  stood under the dim lights and smiled at Lance before he ducked his head and practically whispered ‘goodnight.’ He muttered it back, and watched as Keith turned to walk away. When he disappeared behind a corner, Lance let the door slide shut behind him as he fell back onto his bed.

 

And for the second time since their fight with Lotor, Lance had a good night’s rest. He didn’t have night-terrors or graphic dreams. He could only see the shore and his family and midnight eyes.

 

-

 

The next day they left for Cuba. They woke up early to say their goodbye’s, then went on to pile their belongings into Red’s storage. The Lion greeted them both with a sort of purr of affection and Keith startled at the sound.

 

Lance laughed, “He missed you.”

 

Keith let out a breathy chuckle and nodded, “Yeah, I figured. I missed him too.” 

 

They both headed into the cockpit and settled in. Lance was placed comfortably on the pilot’s chair, while Keith hung off to the side. He leaned up against Lance’s legs and took in the interior. 

 

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in here,” he mused, glancing at all the controls. 

 

Red roared to life and Lance nodded, “Mhm, but I’m telling you - he always asks about you and how you’re doing.”

 

Keith smiled, but it was brief. If Lance hadn’t been so focused on his expression he would have missed it entirely. 

 

A comfortable silence fell over them as Lance took off. The flight over would only be a couple of minutes - ten tops. Even if the lions could round an entire planet in under a minute, Lance didn’t feel like rushing. Part of that was because he wanted to take in all the scenery again, but his hesitation was linked to nerves more than anything else. Lance was afraid of what would be waiting for him once he landed. He was afraid of what wouldn’t. 

 

As they neared his home, Lance could see the gathering storm clouds. He could feel the subtle drop in temperature. He could hear the steady pitter-patter of droplets on Red’s thick armor. He could practically _smell_ the muddy earth that was thousands of miles beneath their feet. Keith was watching him. Lance could feel his intense gaze on the side of his face, but couldn’t be bothered to meet it. He was too enamored with this. Too caught up in the clouds. Too caught up in the deep blue ocean that stretched out right before his eyes. 

 

When they landed, on a beach near Lance’s childhood house, it was pouring. It was no longer a slow stream of light droplets that fell on Red - the rain now landed with heavy thuds that filled the lingering silence. 

 

Lance was all nervous energy, nothing but anticipation and strung out nerves.  _I just need to land it,_ Lance thought, anxiously bouncing his knee, _I just need to land it and then I can see them again. Then I can feel the rain again._

 

As soon as Red’s paws were on the ground, Lance shot up and sprinted for the exit. Keith called out for him in surprise and concern, but Lance couldn’t hear him over the blood rushing in his ears. He ran, as far as his legs could take him - away from the red lion, away from shelter, away from safety. He ran out onto the shore, with his jacket long forgotten and his arms spread wide. He wasn’t sure how he stopped or why he did in the first place, but when he did he fell to his knees and threw his head back. Even though the rain was rough on his skin and cold on his face, he still loved the way it drenched his clothes and matted his hair. The air was alive, it was cool and practically humming with electricity. The clouds hung low and blanketed the entire sky.  

 

Lance was home. He was on the edge of the ocean. The edge of his sanity. 

 

He was pretty sure he was crying, but he couldn’t really tell with the way the rain mixed with his tears. He could smell the wet earth and the salt in the ocean breeze. Lance was sure he was crying. He had to be. He could taste it on his lips and feel the warmth pooling at the corners of his eyes.

 

“Lance,” Keith panted, dropping down into the space beside him.

 

Lance’s gaze lingered on the ocean. The rolling waves had him in a trance. He could feel his body swaying with moving sand beneath him. Lance decided that if lullabies were a movement this is what they would feel like. 

 

“I’m home,” he sighed contentedly. All the tension left his body, “ _I’m home._ ”

 

“Yeah,” Keith murmured, and it almost got lost in the sounds of nature around them. 

 

Keith reached out and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, “We should really head inside. We’ll get sick if we stay out here too long.” 

 

Lance didn’t care though. It would be worth it.

 

But he didn’t say this, he just nodded in agreement and turned to catch Keith’s eyes. 

 

“My house is over there. It’s the small blue one,” he explained, nodding in the other direction. He was finally shaking himself from the daze he was in. Lance glanced back, over his shoulder, and smiled sadly at the house sitting a few feet from the shore.

 

The nerves started building in the pit of Lance’s stomach again. All the fears that he’d hidden away for the past twelve months were resurfacing and they were suffocating. 

 

_What if they aren’t there? What if they moved? What if they’re all-_

 

“Hey,” Keith said, taking hold of Lance’s hand, “stop that.”

 

Lance looked at him, bewildered, “What do you-“

 

“Stop thinking whatever you were thinking,” Keith was being stern, but concern was still evident in his voice. “They’re going to be fine. They’re all going to be there.”

 

Lance looked at him skeptically, his eyes darted all across Keith’s face for any hint of hesitance. There was none. Keith looked more sure of what he’d said than anything in his life. 

 

Keith pushed himself off the ground and pulled Lance up with him, “C’mon. I’m sure they’re going to be ecstatic to see you.”

 

Lance stumbled behind him, struggling to match his pace. 

 

When they finally made it to the front steps of Lance’s home, he took a moment to breathe it all in. It seemed so much bigger than he remembered. The white trim was chipping and the steps creaked beneath his feet. The once cerulean paint had been faded by the sun - it was now something more akin to baby blue. Lance ran his hands up the smooth, wooden banister as he ascended the first steps that spilled into the porch. He didn’t know if he was supposed to knock. He didn’t know if he was supposed to go in. He didn’t know if he was ready to do either.

 

After a moment of internal debate, Lance carefully reached out. He bent over to grab the key he knew was hidden under the mat. Lance shoved the key into the hole and turned it to unlock the entrance. 

 

He took a deep, stuttering breath - then pushed open the door. 

 

For a brief moment, the whole house was silent. There was nothing. No tv playing in the background, no chatter to fill the empty halls, no humming along to the radio. Nothing. Lance panicked, immediately assuming that his worst fears were being confirmed. 

 

But then he heard her. His mother was calling for Marco, asking what had taken him so long. She stuck her head around the corner, a teasing smile playing on her lips and a dish towel in her hands. She looked the same. Her auburn curls fell in her face and her dimples still popped when she smiled. She had the same broad shoulders and strong arms. She looked just as full of love as she did when he left. _She was still his mom._

 

Lance watched as her smile faded and as the rag slipped from her hands. A film of tears clouded her eyes and choked sob escaped her mouth. She rounded the corner and ran at Lance, arms wide open. 

 

Lance dove forward and wrapped her up in a warm embrace. They were both sobbing now, unabashedly crying in each other’s arms. The commotion attracted attention throughout the house and within seconds his other family members made their way into the room. 

 

“¡Mamá! ¿Qué pasa?” Veronica called, voice filled with panic. 

 

Lance pulled away from his mother for a moment to greet the others. Veronica was still screaming for their mother as she bounded down the steep steps. When she reached the bottom of the stairs with Luis in tow, they were both panting, frantically glancing around for the source of the problem. Veronica looked older somehow. Her chestnut curls still stuck out wildly and her eyes were still a navy sort of blue. She just seemed tired now - stressed. Luis was in the same state. His hair has remained a tousled nest that sat atop his head and his eyes were the same baby blue, but he was now also sporting heavy dark circles.

 

Their eyes finally landed on Lance and he watched as the different emotions awkwardly flooded their features. 

 

“Lance?” Veronica questioned, expression pained. Tears were gathering at the corners of her eyes and her voice cracked when she called for him again, “ _Lance_.”

 

He didn’t have time to prepare for the way she tackled him to the floor. Her arms were wound around his shoulders and she cried in the crook of his neck. Before he could even process how to comfort her, Luis piled on top of them. 

 

“Hey everyone, what’s going on? The front door was wide open and-“ Lance didn’t have to turn to recognize Marco’s voice (he couldn’t even if he wanted to.) 

 

“Lance? Is that - is that you?” He asked, carefully, unbelievably. 

 

“Marco! Send help, Luis is crushing me! I just wanted a hug but he turned it into a-“ Veronica was just about to finish her sentence when Marco ran at the three of them full speed. 

 

“Dog pile!” 

 

When he landed on them there was nothing but pained groans and silent curses. 

 

“All three of you get off your brother!” Lance’s mother demanded. “He just got back from fighting in a space war and the three of you figure that the best way to greet him is by pouncing on him?”

 

They all spring back at their mother’s sharp tone and mutter an apology in unison. 

 

Lance pushed himself off of the ground and moved to stand by Keith. 

 

“Listen,” he started, “I know you all have a bunch of questions and I promise I’ll answer them later. But I want you guys to meet someone who’s an important part of my story. Everyone, this is Keith. He’s gonna stay with us while I’m here.” 

 

Lance turned to see that Keith’s cheeks were dusted with a light pink blush. He felt warmth spread across his neck as he introduced Keith to each family member, “Keith, this is my mom, Veronica, Marco, and Luis.”

 

Keith politely extended a hand to greet them, but Lance knew his family members were never ones for formal greetings. They each pulled him in for a tight hug and whispered what Lance could only imagine to be “thank you’s” into his ear. 

 

Keith lingered in his mother’s arms, and Lance caught some of the brief conversation.

 

“It’s really nice finally meeting you Ms. McClain. Lance would talk about you all the time,” he explained.

 

“Call me Sofia,” Lance’s mother reassured, loosening her hold on the Red Paladin, “you’re family now.”

 

Keith looked flustered as he pulled away and returned to Lance’s side, but happy. Lance smiled at him, then turned to face his mom.

 

“Where’s everyone else though,” Lance questioned, glancing around, “Where are the twins? Where’s grandma?”

 

“Well Luna and Alex are at daycare right now, and Grandma is with Tía Rosie. But the whole family hasn’t seen each other in a long time, not since-“ Marco paused, taking a moment to look at Lance meaningfully. 

 

There was now a heavy weight to the atmosphere. Lance grimaced, letting his head hang low in shame - guilt. He hadn’t even thought about what they might be going through. He was the youngest of the three and the only one who left home to follow a misguided dream. He was the one who promised to come back. 

 

“None of that matters now,” his mom said, shaking her head, voice steady, “you’re here now and that’s what matters.” 

 

Lance nodded, but he knew that it was an empty gesture. 

 

“You know what? I think we should celebrate,” Sofia decided, trying to fill the lingering silence. “We’re inviting everyone over tonight. We’re having a party.”

 

“That sounds like a great idea, Mamá!” Veronica beamed. She excitedly bounced on her heels as she began to mentally map out a plan. Lance could always pinpoint the exact moment his sister figured it all out. Her eyebrows would furrow, her navy eyes would sharpen, her posture would straighten, but it would all unravel only moments later. The tension would fall away and the clarity would be written across her face. He had missed that steely determination. He had missed her.

 

“Alright so here’s what we’re gonna do,” Veronica instructed, motioning for everyone to gather around her. “Luis, you’re staying home. The house is pretty clean but it wouldn’t hurt to pick up a few things and maybe mop the floors a little.”

 

Luis nodded at this, already leaving the group so that he could get started on his chores. 

 

“Mamá, you’re in charge of calling everyone up and letting them know about the party. Don’t mention what it’s for, though. If anyone asks just tell them that it’s a ... homecoming,” Veronica suggests, blindly groping for the best possible explanation of this sudden party.

 

His mother didn’t offer any sort of confirmation, but they all knew she didn’t really need to. She always did her jobs and she did them well. 

 

Veronica turned to Marco and started explaining what part he played in all this, “You can go pick up the twins and grab some decorations on the way home. I’ll send you a list of everything you need to buy, so be ready.”

 

Marco yanked his keys from the rusted hooks by the door and nodded, “I’m on it. Don’t forget the list!”

 

Veronica nodded, more to herself than anything, before she turned her attention back to them. 

 

Her eyes caught on Lance, “You...can stay home and settle in. Grandma is staying in the guest room so you’re going to have to share your old one.”

 

Veronica’s eyes flitted to Keith and Lance winced at the way she studied him. The raven haired boy was stood beside Lance, subconsciously leaning into his space. He knew that Keith wasn’t used to this - all the love and attention that came with a large family. He knew that the older boy was still uneasy at the prospect of being around so many people. He could tell in the way that he stuck by Lance - far enough to drift away, close enough to have an anchor. 

 

Veronica grinned, eyes narrowing at the pair before her. She opened her mouth, ready to interject with some smartass comment, but Lance was quick to interrupt. 

 

“Sounds like a plan,” he grabbed Keith’s hand and darted up the stairs, leaving before Veronica could even _think_ about teasing him for his flushed face. 

 

Lance stopped outside his door, fingers still laced with Keith’s. He reached for the knob with his free hand, but paused before he could touch the polished silver. This was what he’d been waiting an entire year for. This moment. 

 

With baited breath, Lance gripped the handle and pushed the white door open. 

 

He took a few hesitant steps into the room and placed himself in the middle. His grip on Keith went lax and the other boy took this as a sign to pull away. Lance was in awe - completely floored by the fact that he made it here. He saw his entire childhood - everything that made him who he was - playing out before him. He could see himself laying on the full sized bed, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars that littered the ceiling. He could see himself curled up in blankets, watching the sun rise while a small yawn escaped his chapped lips. He could see himself hunched over an unfinished English paper that sat atop his turquoise desk. He could see himself, leaning over the balcony railing as he basked in the white wash of moonlight. 

 

Lance felt tears gathering at the corners of his eyes and he hastily wiped at them with the back of his hand. He was tired of crying. He shook his head and focused his gaze on Keith. He watched as the other boy circled the room - mindlessly brushing his fingers over framed family photos, grinning at the band posters that were scattered on his periwinkle walls. Keith gently placed his duffel bag on the floor beside the foot of his bed before he made his way to the balcony. Lance copied his actions and moved to join him outside. 

 

The rain had stopped, but storm clouds still lingered. Keith was leaning over the railing, forearms perched firmly on the iron rods. He watched the swaying tides and marveled at the foam collecting on the shore. 

 

“I’ve never been to the beach,” he muttered, a gentle smile on his lips.

 

Lance’s eyes widened at this, “Never?”

 

Keith shook his head in response, “My dad always wanted to bring me, but there was never time. I was also scared of the ocean when I was younger, so...”

 

“What? Why?” Lance questioned, brows furrowed. 

 

Keith shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess I was afraid of what I didn’t know. It still freaks me out a little. It’s beautiful though, I can see why you talked about this place so much.” 

 

“I’m glad I’m home,” Lance said softly, then, before he could lose his nerve, “I’m glad you’re here.”

 

Lance was looking at the sea, but he didn’t need to turn to take in Keith’s expression. He could hear it in the fondness of his voice as he whispered, “Me too.”

 

And they stayed like that for a while, watching as the waves gently kissed the shore.

 

-

 

Night had finally fallen on Varadero beach and Lance had forgotten how magical it all was.

 

The sky was still blanketed in clouds, but it only added to the beautiful scene. The boardwalk glistened under the glow of yellow street lamps, still slick with midday rain. The sea was alive - an odd sort of navy that stretched on for miles. 

 

The McClain house was full of people to share this masterpiece with. Aunts, uncles, cousins - everyone was there to celebrate Lance’s return. He had received so much love from his family that it was almost overwhelming. The beginning of the night had been nothing but warm embraces, forehead kisses, and streams of tears shared with family members he hadn’t seen even before he was pulled out into space. Music was being played so loudly that Lance could feel the bass in his veins and the drums in his heart. So much sound was bouncing off the walls that Lance could feel the vibration in his feet. The entire party had been nothing but food and drinks and stories - ones that he shared while he looked back at Keith for confirmation. Sometimes Lance had to be sure that it was all real, that this wasn’t just another strange dream. Keith was a reminder that they made it.

 

Eventually the electric atmosphere calmed and the party died down. People began to slowly filter out of the house and into their cars that were parked all along the streets. Lance made sure to give them each an extra hug before they made their way back home. He knew they weren’t far, but after being gone for so long even short distances weren’t close enough. The only people who stayed were those that lived in the house and Keith. 

 

The playlist his brother set finally faded into slower love songs that Lance could vaguely remember from his childhood. He offered to help clean up the aftermath of his “home-coming-party” but his family had only shooed him away, insisting that he get some rest. He was hesitant about the entire exchange, but obliged none the less. He wanted to go find Keith anyway. 

 

Lance found the raven haired boy standing on the balcony, leaning against the railing just as he had earlier. 

 

There was something dreamier in his gaze, something that seemed further away. 

 

“I couldn’t find you earlier,” Lance muttered, trying to reel him back, “Some of my family wanted to say goodbye, but I didn’t know where you slipped off to.”

 

Keith turned at the sound of Lance’s voice and his eyes widened at the sight of him, “Sorry. I just need some space.”

 

Lance nodded, completely understanding how overwhelming big families could be. Sometimes it felt as if there was too much noise and love being shared, other times it felt like there wasn’t enough. This must have all been especially hard for Keith, who had just gotten accustomed to the idea of family. 

 

“It was a lot for me,” Keith explained, “It wasn’t a bad thing, they’re all great people, it was just too much for me. I’m still not used to so much affection or attention. I’m sorry.”

 

Lance gapes at him, “For what?”

 

“I feel like I could’ve tried to have been more social,” Keith shrugs, looking sheepishly over at him. 

 

Lance only shook his head in response, waving away whatever Keith assumed he did wrong, “You don’t need to apologize for stuff like that. I _know_ you Keith. I _know_ that it’s hard for you.”

 

They stood like that for a few moments, letting the salty ocean mist fan out across their faces. Lance could only hear the soft waves and slow songs and Keith’s breaths. 

 

“You know,” Lance said, straightening out, “I don’t think you ever danced with us.”

 

Keith snorted at this, “Probably because I’m awful at it.” 

 

“Well that’s a damn shame because I was just about to ask you to dance with me,” Lance mutters, sarcastically. 

 

Keith perks up at this though and Lance realizes that he might actually be able to pull this off. 

 

“C’mon,” Lance urges, holding an open hand for Keith to take, “Just one dance.” 

 

Keith is hesitant at first, completely unsure of how to respond to the invitation. But eventually he takes Lance’s hand in his own and takes a slow step towards him. Lance could hear the beginning chords to a song that he once knew and he took this as his chance to pull Keith into him. The other boy startled at first, but eventually relaxed in the hands placed firmly on his hips. Keith reached up to wrap his arms around Lance’s neck and tugged himself impossibly closer.

 

_Eres_  
Lo que más quiero en este mundo, eso eres  
Mi pensamiento más profundo también eres  
Tan sólo dime lo que hago, aquí me tienes

 

Lance wasn’t sure how but they quickly fell into a steady swaying pattern. Keith was still stiff, still desperately trying to relax into the simple movement. Lance sensed his discomfort and rubbed soothing circles on the other boy’s hips. He watched as the tension fell away at every new verse. 

 

Lance had been humming along the entire time, latching onto the chorus because it was what he knew best. As the song came to an end though, he found himself singing along. His voice was rough and jagged from all the speaking he’d done earlier but he couldn’t care less. These last few words were the ones he needed to sing. Even if Keith would have no idea what they meant, he wanted him to hear it. 

 

He wanted it to be a spoken secret. 

 

_Aquí estoy a tu lado_  
Y espero aquí sentado hasta el final  
No te has imaginado  
Lo que por ti he esperado, pues eres  
Lo que yo amo en este mundo, eso eres  
Cada minuto en lo que pienso, eso eres  
Lo que más cuido en este mundo eso eres.

They stayed like that, even after the song had ended, swaying in each other’s arms. 

 

Lance figured he could spend the rest of his life just like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty so the “qué pasa” line is just “what’s wrong.” And also the song is called Eres by Café Tacvba. It’s a beautiful song I grew up with it, if you don’t want to listen to the song at least look at the translations because it’s so romantic. But I do suggest listening to the song it’s so breathtaking. But anyways I hope y’all liked this chapter, please keep dropping comments and kudos they really do make this whole thing so much more fun. I love interacting with y’all!! Anyways stay safe and most importantly happy xoxo


	4. it’s alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was too much happening at once. Too much noise. Too much rain. Too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this chapter needs a trigger warning as there are mentions/depictions of panic attacks and ptsd in the chapter. It starts around “There was too much happening at once. Too much noise. Too much rain. Too much.“ If you’re sensitive to that please skip over it! It ends at the “ - “ Um either way this chapter is a bit shorter but it gets heavy sometimes. This was also a bit more of a filler chapter. Anyways I really hope I can get part 5 out tomorrow on time but it depends on school! If anything I’ll have it out the 10th and at absolute latest the 11th

The wind was howling - this awful mixture of pitchy whistles and low hums that carried through the shingles and pounded on the doors. The waves which had once peacefully cascaded onto the shore were now crashing against the beams that supported the boardwalk. Rain was pelting on the windows - rapid and erratic so that there was no telling if it had an end. The driving force of the storm was the thunder - violent and loud enough that it caused the walls to shake and hung pictures to move.

 

Lance woke with a startle. His eyes darted across the room frantically as he watched the chaos unfold before him. 

 

At first it hadn’t been that bad. There was plenty of noise and rushing water, but the prospect of storms had never been new to him. Lance grew up in these conditions - warmth, rain, humidity, these were things that made up his childhood. They were part of the reason he fought so desperately to get home. 

 

But then, just when Lance finally started to calm at the familiarity of it all, it happened. 

 

Lightning - a bright, flaming, bolt of it broke open the sky and lit up his room. In the moment that it spread across the backdrop of black clouds, Lance could no longer see periwinkle walls or the posters that covered them. All he could see was Allura and a charge of electricity and his hands lurching on the controls so that he could push her away. When the room was encompassed by darkness again, Lance could only think of how everything went black when we was struck. 

 

He felt sick. Bile rose and he could feel the acidic burn of it at the back of his throat. He was dizzy with adrenaline - heartbeat so strong that he could feel it in his fingertips. His lungs were constricting and he struggled to fill them with oxygen.  

 

There was too much happening at once. Too much noise. Too much rain. _Too much._

 

Lance screwed his eyes shut and desperately pressed his palms to his ears, but it was no use. He kept seeing it, hearing it, _feeling it_ \- Allura, bright lights, searing pain, then nothing. 

 

His eyes flew open and more lightning shot across the sky. It was brighter this time, closer. Lance was hyperventilating now - breathing hard and labored. Black splotches crowded his vision and for a brief moment he thought that he might pass out. He secretly wished that he would.

 

Because the storm was still raging, and the rain was still pouring and all he could see was _white, white, white._

 

“Lance?” He could barely register the sound of Keith’s voice over the blood rushing in his ears. He was groggy - speech slurred and heavy from sleep. Lance could hear the shuffling of covers beside him and feel the weight shifting as Keith sat up. 

 

Lance’s breathing was ragged. Tears ran mercilessly down his face and dripped onto his palms. The strangled sob he’d bitten back through clenched teeth finally escaped his lips. Lance was falling apart and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to properly piece himself together again. He worried that this time he’d lose a part of himself that was crucial in finishing the puzzle that made him up. 

 

But then there was Keith. Safe, secure, grounding Keith - wrapping him up in a strong embrace that managed to ease Lance’s shivers. His palms were tightly pressed to the backs of Lance’s hands, trying to block the sound of booming thunder. He pulled Lance into him, moving so that Lance couldn’t see the bright flashes of light or anything really beyond his shoulders. When he realized that this hadn’t improved much and that Lance was still struggling to catch his breath, he reached out and pulled the cotton duvet over both their heads. 

 

Keith pulled Lance’s hands from his ears and gathered his face up in his clammy palms, “Lance. Lance, please listen to me. You need to breathe. Look, just like this okay?”

 

Lance found it hard to focus on the way Keith’s chest slowly rose and fell. He found it hard to focus on anything at all. Everything was still a winding, swirly mess. Still too blurred and seemingly _unreal_. But Keith was patient and he held his face firmly in place. He continued to demonstrate the slow work of breaths, the intricate work of his lungs. His fingers were curled carefully over Lance’s cheeks and he worked small circles onto his temples in an attempt to calm him. 

 

“I’m right here,” Keith muttered, voice hoarse. “You’re here. You’re safe. _You’re okay._ ”

 

Something about the way Keith said it seemed deeper, but in the frenzy of the storm and his mind, Lance couldn’t clearly place what it was.

 

The splotches that had once spotted his vision were now clearing and Lance was finally able to breathe. They were still stuttering and short, but at least he wasn’t on the verge of fainting anymore. The crying didn’t stop, though, not right away. 

 

Keith was still holding him, still gently pulling him from the edge. He continued to murmur soft reassurances and sweet nothings in his ear. The pads of his thumbs were still rubbing at Lance’s temples, easing the intensity of his pounding head. 

 

And Lance was crying, letting himself fall apart in front of someone he never thought he’d trust so wholeheartedly. 

 

Lance fell asleep like that, wrapped up in the weighted duvet and Keith’s arms. It was a fitful sleep, full of nightmares and flashing sparks of light. Lance wasn’t okay and he wouldn’t be for a long time. He would struggle with this for years to come, but he didn’t have to do it by himself anymore. He wasn’t alone this time. 

 

-

 

Lance woke up a few hours later, head throbbing and voice practically gone.

 

There was so much light filtering into the room that it burned his still-too-sensitive eyes. The early morning sunshine painted his room a royal shade of gold and warmed the entire space. There were no more clouds or streaks of rain on the clear balcony doors. No more strikes of lighting or rolls of thunder. No more madness. 

 

Keith was still asleep in the space beside him, arms wound tightly around his middle. Keith looked more at peace when he slept, more open almost. Lance found it odd how he could unravel like that. He found it odd how all those hard edges and and lethal glares could be easily buffered out by sleep. Keith looked so at ease, he was all soft skin and pink lips and fluttering lashes. 

 

Lance sighed and began untangling himself from the hot mess of blankets and limbs. He made sure not to wake Keith as he clambered over him and headed for the bedroom door. He stumbled, almost drunkenly, into the bathroom so that he could wash away all the sweat and tears from the night before. He wanted to wash away everything.

 

After a long shower - full of steam clouds and hot droplets falling on his tense shoulders - Lance dressed and headed for the kitchen. He trudged down the stairs and smiled gently at the sound of his sister humming along to the radio. He could hear the muffled rush of water and the clanging of pots that sounded from the sink. He could smell something that simmered over the heated stove.

 

Even though it was a Sunday morning, and they would all usually be at church by now, Lance figured that his family just wanted to sleep in today. They deserved it. 

 

He trotted into the kitchen, still sporting a small smile. Veronica turned at the sound of his slippers dragging across the tile floor. She released a hushed chuckle and shook her head at Lance. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, yawning and rubbing at his tired eyes. He was sure that the only reason she was giggling was because of the blue lion slippers that adorned his feet. 

 

“What the hell are you wearing?” She laughed, glancing down at his feet. 

 

He made his way over to the sink and motioned for her to go take care of whatever was on the stove, “We got them on the castle, I guess I forgot to mention it last night.”

 

Veronica nodded as she dried her hands on a wash cloth that was hanging on the oven. She shuffled over to the stove and began to stir what Lance now recognized as menudo. He took in a deep breath and sighed blissfully at the scent of this home-cooked meal. 

 

“Yeah,” she muttered, attention on the red broth. “I can’t believe you did all that Lance. I mean, I _can_ because you’ve always been the courageous one, but it’s just hard to believe that you’ve been gone for so long.”

 

Lance stilled at this, his grip on the plate he’d been washing loosened, “I really didn’t contribute that much.”

  


Veronica’s stirring slowed and she turned to face him, “What do you mean?”

 

He shrugged, pathetically rubbing at a stain that wasn’t really there, “Everyone else just did  _more_. Pidge used her tech skills to save us I don’t know how many times. Hunk made a bunch of cool inventions that helped us out around the castle. Allura-“

 

“Lance,” Veronica said, voice stern. The stirring stopped completely and she was now in front of him, holding his wet hand in her own. “I know that you’ll never see it or that you’ll never understand it, but I know for a fact that you were just as important as the others in that war.” 

 

“But I-“ he tried to argue, but Veronica wouldn’t let him. Her gaze had hardened and her lips were pressed in determined line, once she had that look on her face there was no winning with her. 

 

“I was talking to Keith yesterday, before he went upstairs. He told me about everything you’ve done for this war. _Everything_ ,” there was a dangerous edge to her voice and Lance knew that she was aware of his death.

 

“You were willing to die for your friend, you’ve saved your teammates numerous times, you’re a skilled sharpshooter,” Veronica’s eyes were darting across his face, trying to draw something from the expression he wore. “Lance if it weren’t for you, we might not be here right now. _You’re_ the one who got chosen. _You’re_ the one who flew out and decided to help defeat the Galra. I don’t know anyone who’d be willing to sacrifice everything like you did. I don’t know anyone as brave as you.”

 

“And you should have seen the way the twins were looking at you yesterday,” she sighed thinking back to the night before, “they admire you so much. Mamá was bragging about you too all of our aunts and uncles. Marco and Luis kept telling our cousins how they had the best baby brother in the world.”

 

“You’re a hero, Lance. You’re an essential part of that team whether you see it or not,” with a final squeeze of the hand and a firm look, she released her grip and stepped back over to the stove. 

 

There’s wasn’t much he could say in response, no words could ever be gracious enough for the praise Veronica had just given him. He let it all settle in his heart and warm his thoughts, though. Those were the kind of words that stuck with you forever. They mean everything because it was family speaking them. They meant everything because he was finally able to hear them. 

 

He didn’t open his mouth to speak after that, he just reached out and turned the volume up on the radio, humming with Veronica as they worked through the early morning. 

 

-

 

Breakfast had passed in a flash. 

 

They’d all gathered at the table that morning and shared stories of life on earth for the past year. They talked about the style changes and the new celebrities. Marco blabbered on about the twins and how they were both just starting school. Luis complained about the college courses he’d taken that year. Veronica joked about how she’d topped Luis in all said courses. Even Lance’s mother joined in on the conversation, offering sly remarks whenever one of their ego’s inflated just a tad too much. 

 

Lance sat on the edge of the table, fully engaged with all the words pouring from their mouths. He listened intently as they continued to ramble about their achievements and wild experiences. He drank it all in.

 

Keith sat next to Lance, freshly shampooed hair pulled back into a ponytail. He listened politely as everyone took a turn to speak and smiled genuinely at every joke they cracked. Lance could tell he was more comfortable in these settings, where there was fewer people and less bustling action. Keith was more interactive - more willing to relax and participate in the conversation. 

 

When he’d first seen him at breakfast that morning, he’d sent Lance a dozen worried glances. He had to reassure Keith with brief shakes of the head or quick grins, he didn’t want to think about last night so early in the morning. He’d only just recovered. 

 

After everyone finished and managed to shove their plates in the sink, they all separated. Apparently they all had things to do or chores to complete, but Lance was an exception to this. His mother still argued that after being in space for a whole year, meant he deserved a weeklong break. 

 

Lance turned to Keith the moment they’d dispersed, “You wanna watch a movie or something?” 

 

Keith quirked an eyebrow at him, “Like at the theater or...”

 

Lance chuckled at Keith’s confused state and shook his head, “No, in my room you dork!”

 

“It’s too damn early for your attitude,” Keith grumbled, playfully rolling his eyes. 

 

Lance ignored his comment and darted up the stairs, Keith only half-a-step behind. 

 

When they made it back to his room Lance pulled out his old laptop and got situated on the bed. He was pressed up against the wall and curled into his covers. He made sure to leave plenty of room for Keith and even had to gesture for him to sit in the bed beside him. 

 

Keith fell into the mattress with a soft ‘oof’ and scooted so that he could properly see the screen. Lance was scrolling through the list of movies he’d saved when he absentmindedly asked the other boy what he wanted to watch. 

 

Keith shrugged, moving so that he was pressed into Lance’s side. He knew that he only shuffled closer so that he could get a better look at what was on the laptop, but Lance couldn’t focus with the Keith’s radiating heat flooding over him. 

 

“Wait, you like Twilight?” Keith questioned, an amused grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. His eyes were wide with mirth and Lance found the innocence of the entire expression to be heartwarming. 

 

“I’ll have you know that Twilight has an amazing soundtrack and was cinematic genius!” Lance argued, offering the other boy a fake glare. 

 

“I never said the movies were bad. I actually kinda liked them growing up. Put it on,” Keith muttered letting his head fall on Lance’s shoulder as he waited for the movie to play. 

 

Lance froze for a moment and tensed at the contact, but it all just fell away. This was Keith. There was no reason for him to get so caught in his nerves.

 

He shook his head and reached out to press play. 

 

The movie had only been going for a few minutes when Lance realized that he stood no chance in focusing on the film. He was too preoccupied with listening to Keith’s breaths and watching the way his shoulders fell with each slow exhalation. His eyes were focused on Keith’s face and the way his long hair framed it perfectly. He was wrapped up in thoughts of Keith, Keith, Keith.

 

“You scared me last night, you know?” The silence was broken and so was the spell Lance was under. He stiffened at Keith’s words and shuddered. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, helplessly. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

 

“For what?” Keith asked, eyebrows drawn together so tightly Lance had to restrain himself reaching a thumb out to smooth them over. 

 

“Waking you up, you must be really tired right now,” Lance muttered, unconsciously curling away from Keith. 

 

“Lance, hey,” he said grabbing hold of his arms, “Look at me.”

 

It took him a minute, but Lance obliged. He turned to meet Keith’s gaze and was floored by how vulnerable his expression was. 

 

“I was scared because I didn’t know what was going on. When I woke up you were hyperventilating and shaking and I had no idea how to help you. I _am_ tired and I _was_ worried, but it’s not something you ever need to be sorry about. You had a panic attack and those are completely out of your control. I’m just glad that you’re okay now,” he muttered, tracing undeceivable shapes into Lance’s forearm. 

 

Lance didn’t know what to do with any of this. He’d forgotten how to properly react to all the affection offered by Keith. He’d forgotten how to react to affection in general. 

 

Lance pushed aside the laptop pulled Keith impossibly closer, “C’mon let’s take a nap. I’m exhausted too.” 

 

And maybe it wasn’t the perfect thing to say, but still held the same amount of emotion. 

 

Keith was not bashful in the way he snaked his arms around Lance’s middle and held him in place. He tangled their legs and rested his head in the crook of his neck. With how close they were Lance was almost sure he could feel Keith’s heart beating in time with his own. 

 

And even though it was was only ten in the morning, the two boys found peace in each other’s arms. They slept through the afternoon and bathed in the orange wash of sunlight filtering in through the balcony doors. 

 

Lance remembered that in the moments before he was encompassed by sleep, he swore he felt the ghost of lips pressed to his shoulder.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. As you should know the next chapter is the last one and I’m really sad that it’s gonna be ending so soon. But I did put a lot of time into this fic and I just hope you all have enjoyed it so far. Anways please remember to stay safe and most importantly happy xoxo


	5. want to wake up and see your face, and remember how good it was being here last night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith hadn’t expected the changes made by this break to be so drastic, but he wasn’t resisting them. 
> 
> He wanted to honor this last day by letting the tug of the ocean guide him through whatever Lance had planned for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know it’s been...a while, but I’ll save the explaining for later at the end of the chapter. This was written on my phone so the formatting may be funky and a bit inconsistent since I did it over the course of months. But still I’m glad to have finished finally! Hope you enjoy (also this was written pre season seven so just keep that in mind)

It was their last day. 

 

Keith knew that this small strip of paradise would eventually end - he just hadn’t anticipated it being so _soon_. He hadn’t expected to fall in love with the Earth Lance longed for. 

 

Keith only knew dry heat and sandstorms and various forms of cacti. When they were still up in space he hadn’t understood how Lance could talk so fondly about a planet that didn’t seem to offer much to him. 

 

But everything was different now. Lance wasn’t a desert boy like Keith. He wasn’t kissed by the sun in the same ways. Lance was raised by the ocean. Brought up in a home that had paint washed out from all the salt spray and sunlight. His version of Earth held extensive amounts of family members and an infinite amount of love that came from each. Lance’s version of Earth was nothing but noise and life and chaos. Sometimes it was too much for Keith, but even he couldn’t fight the infectious happiness that seemed to ooze from the walls. 

 

This version of Earth made Lance realize his value to the team. Keith no longer worried about Lance staying behind in hopes of someone else taking his place on the team. There were still conversations to be had about his insecurities - not only with him, of course, but even that was a start. Lance still felt less than, but seeing his family refueled his will to fight. Keith figured that this visit made him understand his impact. Seeing them all safe, together and happy, is what brought on the change in heart. 

 

Keith knew this last day would be bittersweet. Not only for Lance, but for him as well. He’d learned so much from this, took so much from the people he met and the way Lance treated him. It would be hard to say goodbye to everything they’d just gotten accustomed to. It would be hard having to watch Lance lose the ease the sea and his family brought him. 

 

After this they’d have to fall back into the rhythm of war. It’d all dial down to strategics and weaponry and danger. Even if Keith liked the routine of it all, he’d still hate the risk, and he’d most definitely miss the domesticity of staying here. 

 

Keith hadn’t expected the changes made by this break to be so drastic, but he wasn’t resisting them. 

 

He wanted to honor this last day by letting the tug of the ocean guide him through whatever Lance had planned for him. 

 

                              -

 

As Keith had imagined the day passed in a flash. 

 

They woke up extremely early so that avoiding crowds would be easier. Lance practically had to drag a groggy Kieth behind him as they shuffled around the house grabbing things to prepare for the day. Their morning consisted of nothing but a clothes covered floor, slamming cabinets, and grumpy banter from Keith. They also made sure to pack, they figured they’d use the time they had tomorrow for goodbye’s and reminiscing. It was all tragically sweet - leaving this behind only to embrace the unforgiving arms of war. 

 

Keith had to clear those thoughts from his mind though, he wanted to preserve these moments for Lance. Wanted him to look back and remember how warm his home felt even if the rest of the world was cold. Keith wanted to give Lance _everything_. 

 

Lance who stood across from him, all bright eyed and wide smiled that morning. Lance who gave him the universe just by turning that open, happy expression on him. Lance who took Keith all across the beach and the boardwalk. Lance who took Keith’s hand in his, unabashedly, as the pair walked into different shops to marvel at the tourist novelties and the local businesses. Lance who packed a surprise picnic for Keith - full of homemade food and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. This beautiful ocean boy who ended their day with a moonlit swim in the shallow ends of the sea. 

 

Keith thought that there was no better way to end such a wonderful trip - completely with Lance, the boy he loved. 

 

Keith let himself be lulled to sleep that night by the sweet song Lance hummed and the feel of his beating heart beneath him. 

 

-

 

Keith blinked - struggling to place sounds and shapes that bounced off of hazy black walls. He sat up (slightly) and rubbed at his sleep strained eyes - prayed that he could tether himself to reality. Everything felt off in this state, too flighty and fake. He was in stuck hypnagogia, trapped in the dreamscape and it’s endless spectrums of sleep. This mixture of simulation and surreal panicked him because it was all too reminiscent of space. Too many noises that were similar to mechanical whirs. Too many glowing lights that were similar to blinding stars.

 

Keith took in a breath and tried to steady the spinning room. It took a while, but eventually everything was clear. There was no space, no Galra, no ongoing battle that was originally meant for the Paladins of old. There was just the blurred haze of the street lamps and the hum of the late night traffic. 

 

And Lance.

 

He’s what woke Keith up. There was a streamline of tears cascading down his face that caught in the moonlight.  He kept moving, too, twitching and reaching as if there was something in his dreams that was just outside of his reach. These small whimpers kept falling from his lips and the expression he wore was so  _devastatingly_ _pained_. 

 

Keith thought it was torture having to watch him unravel like that. 

 

Lance was on his back, curled in on himself so that he couldn’t be hurt by  whatever imaginary force was chasing him. Keith placed his hand on Lance’s arm and gently tugged him so that his hands weren’t clutching the sheets so tightly. 

 

“Lance,” he mumbled, voice still groggy from sleep. 

 

He relaxed for a fraction of a second before he tensed again. Inconceivable words tumbled from his lips and got lost in the sounds of the rickety ceiling fan.

 

Keith draped an arm across Lance’s chest and traced slow circles along his jaw, “Lance, hey. It’s a nightmare, you need to wake up.”

 

The other boy turned to face him and if Keith were still caught in the “in-between” he might have even thought that Lance was finally waking up. However, the indistinguishable murmurs continued to slip from his mouth. 

 

“Keith,” he called voice clear and eyes still screwed shut. He sounded breathy and _scared_ , limply throwing a hand out in hopes of shoving someone or some _thing_ away. 

 

Keith sobered at the urgency in his tone. He shook him slightly and tried to coax him from sleep so that the nightmare would end, but Lance wouldn’t budge. 

 

“Keith. Keith. _Keith_!” He shot up and an ugly sob ripped from the back of his throat. 

 

The boy in question propped himself up and blindly searched for the bedside lamp. After finding it and giving the string a quick tug to turn it on, he quickly diverted his attention back to Lance. 

 

He had tears flowing down his flushed cheeks and his fingers were clutched so tightly in the sheets that Keith worried his hands would cramp. The only relieving thing about the whole scene was that Lance’s eyes were finally open. All clouded over and perfectly mirroring the midnight sky. 

 

Keith gathered his face up in his hands and tried to focus Lance’s attention on him. 

 

“Lance, hey, look at me. _Look at me_ , I’m right here,” Keith said, desperately hoping to calm the other boy down. 

 

Lance was gasping, hiccuping and struggling to catch his breath. It took Keith a few tries and a couple more calls to finally bring his attention to him. 

 

“Keith?” 

 

“Yeah,  _yes_ it’s me, I’m okay. Everything is okay. It was just a bad dream.”

 

“I thought - I mean, you were dead. Everyone else was gone but I just I _saw_ you-“

 

“It wasn’t real, Lance. _I’m_ real though. _This_ is real. I’m alive. The others are fine too.”

 

“But-“

_“It’s alright_ ,” Keith reassured, gently stroking the sides of Lance’s face with his thumbs. 

 

There was a pause, then, hesitantly, “It was a nightmare?”

 

“Just a nightmare.”

 

Keith managed a weak smile, “Besides, if I was gone who would you have to make fun of, right?” 

 

Lance gave a brief chuckle at his teasing, “Too soon, Kogane.”

 

“Hasn’t it been a few years?” Keith questioned, still staring at him softly.

 

Lance shook his head, a tired smile on his lips, “Still too soon.”

 

“Okay, okay, m’sorry,” Keith’s words were slurred together by the oncoming wave of exhaustion. He fought back a yawn and tried to replace it with a smile that matched Lance’s own slight grin. 

 

They sat there like that for a moment, breathing each other in. The ceiling fan was long forgotten and the glow of the bedside lamp only stood as a backdrop to their intertwined shadows. The balcony door was slightly open so the room smelt a bit like the ocean spray. Lance’s eyes fluttered shut and Keith thought that even amongst all the chaos that had just unraveled he stood so beautifully still. 

 

And gently, ever so gently, Keith reached up to push some of Lances hair back. 

 

“I don’t know what I could really do to help with your bad dreams. I can’t exactly fend them off with my bayard,” he joked, lightly laughing along with the giggle he just elicited from Lance. 

 

A brief silence fell over them and in that moment of bated breath and ocean mist Keith decided that he was tired of hiding behind the the barriers he’d created for himself. 

 

“But, I _can_ promise you that in real life I will always fight to make it back to you.”

 

Lance didn’t speak, only stared in awe at his words.

 

Keith paused again - confidence faltering, but not enough to keep him from speaking.

 

“As a matter of fact _I did_ fight to make it back to you. I fought everyday just to _remember_ you. It would scare me because some days I couldn’t hear your laugh, or see the color of your eyes or how bright your smile was. It was awful not knowing if I would make it back. It was even worse not knowing if you’d be there to come back to. I know this may not be the best time but I’m just, I’m tired of pretending. I don’t want to risk this anymore. I fought to come back to this because, _you’re my_ _home_ , Lance.”

 

Lance’s eyebrows drew together and his expression was so intense that Keith couldn’t look. He had to duck his head and drop his gaze to the floor so as to avoid Lance’s eyes. 

 

Everything was so still that he swore his violent pulse would eventually cause the house to shake. He didn’t regret saying all that he did, he was just afraid of what would come after. Somehow the thought of Lance leaving him entirely as a result of this confession made him more sick than the thought of rejection itself.

 

Keith heard movement a moment after he began to spiral. It was sudden and urgent. The covers shuffled and the bed creaked beneath them. He could feel the weight shift and Lance’s presence - could see his shadow on the wall,  a mere inch away from his own. 

 

“Keith.”

 

Keith’s eyes had already been screwed shut. He didn’t want to look. Didn’t want to hear _. Didn’t want to feel._

 

“Keith, look at me,” Lance reached out and lightly grazed his chin with the tips of his fingers. 

 

He scowled briefly, resisting the urge to cave and lean into the touch. The attempt was foolish though. Lance has always had him wrapped around his finger, Keith had just been too proud to admit it. 

 

Eventually he turned into Lance’s open palm, but his eyes were still shut. 

 

_Don’t look, don’t cave, don’t fall._

 

“Keith, come on cariño,” Lance urged. 

 

He let out a soft sigh and opened his eyes. 

 

Keith didn’t think he could ever drown in the presence of a person, but being here with Lance was so overwhelming that he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

 

Lance was only an inch away, fingers still carefully holding Keith in place. Keith could feel Lance’s lips brush across his own and just the thought of how close he was hurt. 

 

With hooded lids and a gravelly voice, Lance stuttered, “I- I want...”

 

He sighed and the hidden tremble in it prompted Keith from his panicked daze. He knew now. Really, he thinks he’d _always_ known.

 

“Tell me what you want, Lance. Whatever it is, it’s yours.”

 

“You, I want you.”

 

“You already have me,” Keith was crying now, but he couldn't care less. “You’ve always had me.”

 

Lance was crying too, completely taken by the sincerity of Keith’s words. 

 

In reality the tears were more likely a result of their three a.m. exhaustion. But, still. 

 

Keith would have been content with just this - could’ve rested easy after this newfound revelation. But before he could even prepare himself, Lance leaned in. He moved carefully - lightly nudging at Keith with his nose and pausing to glance at his lips as if asking for permission. Keith didn’t bother with words he just nodded and tugged at Lance’s neck to pull him in. 

 

Keith thought that kissing Lance was like he’d always imagined - sweet and slow and unbelievably sincere. 

 

He loved that Lance tasted like the shore and sunscreen and chocolate covered strawberries. He loved that his palms were warm and his grip was firm. He loved that Lance wasn’t the aftermath of war - loved that he was still an ocean boy with big dreams and a bright smile.

 

He loved Lance.

 

And it was this, this insanely overwhelming rush of affection that caused a trigger in Keith. 

 

He gasped and pulled away at the sudden head rush. All he could see were blurred visions from the quantum abyss.

 

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed, worry written all across his face.

 

Keith heaved a heavy sigh and let his eyes flutter shut again. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the extra time with Krolia, but two years stuck with nothing else to do but just _be_ , was draining. Sometimes the quick visions were a welcome distraction. Sometimes, when the missing home got too bad, Keith would get a glimpse into the past. He’d see Allura and Coran arguing over some old Altean saying. Or he’d see Hunk and Pidge roaming around the castle looking for willing guinea pigs in one of their new experiments. He’d see himself tucked into Shiro’s side after a particularly bad nightmare about his dad. He’d see Lance, laughing and smiling and open. 

 

Some visions weren’t as clear as others, though. And the person in Keith’s vision wasn’t clear until now.

 

“Are you okay?” Lance asked, frantically trying to pull him from his daze. He was turning Keith’s head in his hands, checking for any sort of external injury. 

 

Keith latched onto Lance’s hands and smiled, “It’s okay. I’m okay, I just remembered something from the quantum abyss.”

 

Lance looked hesitant, “What do you mean? What did you remember?”

 

“Well, it’s kind of hard to explain but basically the weight of all the dying stars surrounding us caused time to collapse on itself.” 

 

“Meaning?” 

 

Keith struggled to remember how Krolia explained it, but went on anyways, “It would let Krolia and I see into the past or future.”

 

“That’s crazy...wait so you just remembered something you saw?”

 

“Every vision was different, and some were really hazy, so I didn't always recognize the people. I would recognize the feeling of each vision more than anything. And right now I just realized who the person in one of my visions was.”

 

Keith reached over and ran his thumb across Lance’s cheekbone.

 

Lance’s eyes widened at the gesture and his cheeks went this pretty shade of red. Keith thought that nothing could look so beautiful. 

 

“It was me? In the vision you saw, it was me?” 

 

“It was you,” Keith nodded, laughing lightly.

 

Lance looked awestruck, just as Keith had been when he realized that this moment was literally written in the stars. But, after a minute he shook his head and let something more mischievous take over his gaze. 

 

“Always knew you saw me in your dreams, Kogane.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes, “And _there_ he is. I’m turning around now and going back to sleep.” 

 

Lance laughed and stuck out a hand to keep Keith from moving, “No, wait, I’ll stop teasing I promise.”

 

“You better be serious cause it’s too early for this. It’s like five in the morning,” Keith groaned. 

 

Lance briefly chuckled in response but fell silent soon after. The two were still sat upright on Lance’s bed, leaning into each other’s space either from exhaustion or for the support. Their hands were twisted up in the blankets and their fingers were just barely intertwined. 

 

Dawn wasn’t coming up over the horizon just yet, but somehow Keith could make out the traces of it from the window. It all looked lighter, felt more alive.

 

He glanced from the balcony back to Lance and almost got winded at the expression he was met with. 

 

Adoration, so pure and tender that even _he_ \- this soldier boy who thought he’d seen everything under the sun - felt like it could cause a complete inner collapse. 

 

“Te quiero mucho, mí amor,” was all Lance muttered before leaning back in. 

 

Keith happily accepted the fallout.

 

Lance kissed Keith till they were both breathless - till their heads began to spin and they saw stars. Keith, still caught up in a dizzy spell, fell back and  landed in a heap beneath Lance and the dozens of blankets that surrounded them. Lance just gazed down at him fondly before he crowded into his space and placed gentle kisses everywhere.

 

Temple. Forehead. Nose. Cheek. 

 

When Lance leaned in to press a final kiss to Keith’s already swollen lips, he’d gathered his thoughts enough to say, “I really wish I had told you something earlier. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on _this_ the whole time.”

 

Lance laughed lightly at the dazed boy beneath him and let his expression ease into a warm smile. 

 

“It’s okay, amor, we have plenty of time to make up for what we lost,” Lance practically whispered as he reached out to push back hair from Keith’s face.

 

The sun had finally risen over the horizon. Keith couldn’t see it perfectly, but he could feel it’s warmth spill over his feet and see the way it caught on Lance’s skin.

 

They spent the rest of the morning like this - sharing lazy kisses before they were lulled into an easy sleep. Even if they went back to being Paladins later within the day, it didn’t matter. None of it did with the way the sun poured over there entangled bodies. They were home, and for the time being this was enough. 

 

_It was enough._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so, truth be told I just lost motivation for writing this story after seasons 7/8 dropped. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it because the direction of the show made it hard for me to enjoy these characters as much as I had previously. I’m not saying that I didn’t love Lance and Keith any less, just the state of the fandom and the way creators wrote the show made me lose interest for a while. But I hate leaving work unfinished so i sat down and kept writing. It was a really On and off process so it isn’t my best chapter, but in all honesty it kind of helped me fall in love with the show again (more like an appreciation for the earlier seasons) anyways that’s it for this one. Hope it was nice to read even months after the show has ended. Stay safe and most importantly happy xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> I really do hope you guys enjoy every chapter and comments/kudos are always really nice to receive so feel free to leave some. Make sure you guys stay safe and happy xoxo p.s. this was written on my phone so for those reading on a desktop its going to look weird. if you can, I suggest reading it on the phone!


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